I was thinking of this lately.I felt I had become a charity case. As I got older, I was stunned to come across friends who rarely said anything. One particular friend in fact comes to mind. Quite comfortable and tended to give me the impression she tolerated me. We had a habit of having arguments more often than chats. She would point out that I was too much of a personal introvert. I would ask her in very acidic terms if she wanted a blabbermouth. Personal introvert? She will tell me I kept my pains personal. Ergh.
I did not even realize she was a silent champion of some of my experiences as she was also close mouth near me. Life can sometimes give you more limes than you need for a lemonade and I had learned to sweeten the limes my way. Sometimes I streamed out my pain in poetry. It was the only way I learned to talk. Communicate my inmost thoughts. Not very surprised to learn I could count my friends on a finger. Who needs them I would taunt myself as I tried to stare down the pinpoints of pain and longing I suspected I saw in my eyes.
Hey, this piece is not a moan. I want you to be able to come back and read again right? Good. What did I start with? Giving as gift. Cool. Have you thought of giving your love quietly as a gift? Thinking compassionately of someone in a loving quiet way?. Particularly if that someone is likely going to make you clench your fingers and hold your breath as you tell yourself to stick a smile on.
Giving to someone when our intention is to box the ears of that particular person? I have experienced it. It is not giving a material gift, but giving another human being a second chance to redeem love from you. It is the best gift. I have my own problems understanding that but I sigh as I remember the good Lord admonished us not to enter his synagogue if we are at odds with one another. Sometimes in annoyance I find myself praying that the brother will not come by so I can enter His synagogue in some semblance of peace. I discovered it never works. My synagogue is my heart, my spirit and my sacred place. I must learn to worship the Father in the open airy space of peace in the meadows of my soul where all is beauty, songs and gratitude. I learn that giving is a gift, a gratitude returned for the love of the Father towards me. I am alive, pulsing, and moving.
Love is giving, and that we must learn how to earn. The ability to love and give it in your thoughts, in the comments you make to another about anyone, and your activity in creation.
Suddenly, you earn yourself the peace of listening to the beats of creation. The whirring sound of the wind in the grass, the silence has a shape and a song and there is promise and gratitude in your soul,
I very rarely come on to the social media. I ask myself, why I need so many followers, I come across the word influencer and I shake my head for I do not want to be bound. Life is continuous motion to animate the spirit. I am at the edge of a world. I sense the rotation of other worlds under pulsing conditions. There is motion all around me. Learning and moving is the basis of the human longing even in his sciences. He feels he is an embryo who must assimilate and imbibe , be alive and pulsate with the movements. Why will I want to bind myself to an edge of a vastness I can only dimly sense?
I learn that If I learn that giving is a gift, I understand one law..’throw your bread upon the waters’, ‘only in giving do we receive the benefits of Love we once received when the gates opened and man became conscious in His Subsequent Creation with the possibility of Eternity.
To earn the possibility of being part of IS in creation. The greatest gift we ever received when the Lord gave.
Learn to give from yourself friend, for giving is a gift and we are recipients of this gift.